hmmm what to to write tonight...well, I had a pretty shit day might I just say! It was boring! Filled with dissapointment! aint it gay when you feel like your being lied to? though you could just be tripping! Anyway! We were suppose to go to the beach today! Didnt end up goin koz some people didnt feel like going. I feel bitter for some reason! Like real bitter! HMMMM....no apparent reason yet! GAH! I cant believe shes engaged! YUKKK!!! Do you know how much I dissaprove? I should be happy for her! But Im not! Im sad! Fuck! YUKK!! I dont want her to be engaged! This is moving too fast! SLOW DOWN! PLEASE! WHY? whats the rush? dont you enjoy being...I dont know YOUNG FREE AND SINGLE??? like even just see each other though that would be hard when he goes back! I feel distant right now! WTF is up my ass? man? even I dont know! All I know is, I dont want her to be engaged! GOSH! how long have they known each other for? I guess Im scared of losing her! I mean I know shes always gonna be there. But it wont be the same when shes married! Shit changes! Shes no longer that little kid that I can kick it back with. and only has to answer to the rents! Soon she'll have to answer to a husband? Like ewwww!! I cant imagine that! I dont want to imagine it! I could cry! You dont understand how scared I am of losing her...and yet I wont be...but I cant help but feel that I will lose her! I mean not completely! I guess I gotta accept change! Might take some time! Im usually good with change...I usually can handle it! But! THIS?? this was unexpected....I wasnt prepared like I usually am! Even when change is out of the blue I can handle it. But this? to me? is HUGE! and I dont like it =( I dont want it to happen! I never knew how attached I am to her! I wonder if the feelings mutual! SHIT I sound lesbian! LMFAO! may I just clarify with yous that I am speaking of family! and I am no where near incest! OR lesbian! HAHAHA I like boys ;) DAMN do i love em! anyway! I really dont know what else to say! Thats all really thats been on my mind so far today! oh and the fact that I was bored! Like really bored! I just cant wait for school to start! So I can get outa the house! Meet people! =) JOY anyway! I have a bit of browsing to do before I go to bed! Plus I been playing sims alot lately! I just still cant believe....

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well not much to talk about! since my bridging course finished ive been kicking it back like hard out and cleaning up my house! i swear but ever since i started the bridging course ive been snezing like a mother fucker! no good bro! anyway i finally have some clothes :) yeya bo! anyway im sitting in church waiting for it to start! we got randoms at church. we actualy call em visitors but since i dont know em ima call em randoms :D just koz i can :) im out . that is all

uni

my first 4 days of uni are over :) oh gosh it was quite the experience! well first day? was pretty easy. the 2nd 3rd day were the most intense! it was really hard to understand, like real confusing man. but i still got it! the last day was easy! we got assessed! see the reason that we were at uni was because we all applied for bach in music, but were recomended to do one or two semesters in diploma! but this course allowed us to take an 8 week course, sqeeze it into 4 days then by being assessed will determine wether we are fit enough for bach! yeah my whole class made it in except one! awesome stuff koz i only have 3 years in uni :) i might however continue my studies and work after that :) anyway it was awesome. im spyched for uni to actually start! which is after next week! downfall is i have to get up so early! anyway today im shopping for school! buying clothes appropriate for school! lol rents arent letting me go to school in shorts! to bad i sneak it lol walk out the house with long pants! zats all

uni

my first 4 days of uni are over :) oh gosh it was quite the experience! well first day? was pretty easy. the 2nd 3rd day were the most intense! it was really hard to understand, like real confusing man. but i still got it! the last day was easy! we got assessed! see the reason that we were at uni was because we all applied for bach in music, but were recomended to do one or two semesters in diploma! but this course allowed us to take an 8 week course, sqeeze it into 4 days then by being assessed will determine wether we are fit enough for bach! yeah my whole class made it in except one! awesome stuff koz i only have 3 years in uni :) i might however continue my studies and work after that :) anyway it was awesome. im spyched for uni to actually start! which is after next week! downfall is i have to get up so early! anyway today im shopping for school! buying clothes appropriate for school! lol rents arent letting me go to school in shorts! to bad i sneak it lol walk out the house with long pants! zats all

Just here t0 give yall an update hmmm update update...I literally have n0thing! except that I g0t my first day at uni t0m0rr0w =) with Fl0ral! Sh0uld be interesting =)
anyway d0nt feel like bl0gging just n0w

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mood swings are in process. church! its hard to understand i shall try though! that is all

B0RED

well, Im b0red! Hence bl0gging hehe. I d0nt kn0w what Im g0nna d0 t0day! I d0nt think were g0ing t0 church! K0z the rents are g0ing t0 melb0urne t0m0rr0w! =D thats my cue t0 g0 claym0re! Plus my br0ther is 0ut t0m0rr0w. Fuck I feel bad man! K0z like PJ is in Sydney right n0w! and Im n0t even g0ing t0 see her, I fuckin feel bad man! Like l0w! Fuck k0z I kn0w if I went t0 brizzy she w0uld missi0n it t0 see me =( FUCK! Im s0 fuckin! ARGGHHH! I feel s0 fuckin bad man! FUCK ME man! This sucks! Its just , I didnt expect her t0 be all0wed t0 c0me 0ut! and shit! and then when she rang me this m0rning I was like SHIT! If 0nly I knew, I w0uldve left like 6 in the m0rning! FUCK! y0u d0nt understand br0 I feel like shit. Like fuckin shit! Anyway! G0tta get 0ver that lma0! I h0pe t0 see the girls s00n. I kn0w my mums abit iffy 0n me g0ing, but maybe I sh0uld say fl0rals h0use =) haha! she w0uldnt mind if its at fl0rals! =P gees k0z I d0nt want her t0 trip then get my dad t0 tell me I cant g0. Thats when all hell will break l00se and Ill chuck a fuckin s00k! th0ugh I pr0mised my br0ther I w0uldnt d0 that! I cant help it! plus, pr0mises I make are always br0ken anyway! s0meh0w I will always find a way t0 break em! D0nt ever make me make pr0mises hahhahaa

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why is life so complicated! i guess its only ones self that makes it complicated! what about those that surround you?... people always have answers but its never spot on! the answer is always oblivious to the truth that surrounds it! there is so much that is hidden! what lies beyond what you can see and understand? god? i mean you would guess so! but. i dont know! lately ive been contemplatin on how to stop smoking. but, ive gotta want it! i gotta want it more then i wanna continue! reasons for quiting: * im sick of scabbing! and my cousins are probably sick of it as well! * im taking a career in music. vocals to be exact. i mean how ironic would it be if i continued to smoke. i mean, its gonna take alot of will power! hmmm what shall i do differently this time? smokings been a habbit of mine ever since i was 11. im 17 now! its not easy! the habbit is unexplainable! its something im use to. like without even thinking! its just a habit thats in my system and in my brain! its a part of my life style!

s0 I ate p0p c0rn right? but I think I put t00 much butter! like way t00 much! I fel s0 sick it n0t funnY!

anyway! my pr0gress with gettin 0ver him is like! AWES0ME! =D its g0ing really well =) well because s0me0ne w0nt g0 t0 sleep till I d0! Ima g0 t0 bed n0w! haha! psych0 dude its like 4 in the m0rning in NZ and his still up! 0r maybe I just wanna talk t0 him =P indeed m0ving 0n

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wha t0 talk ab0ut! well t0day I w0ke up abit late! and I think Ill just speak my mind instead 0f speaking 0f my recent activities. My c0usin bugs me. Its jus a matter 0f time bef0re i burst! Its ann0ying y0u kn0w? I l00k at her as a sister, but I like my d0ing my 0wn thing al0t as well with 0ut pe0ple restricting me. Im stubb0rn. Just give it time bef0re s0mething actually happens.! I d0ubt it th0ugh! there is sm0ke in the h0use and its bugging me.

Anyway he never seems t0 leave my mind! I guess that is g0nna take a really l0ng time f0r me t0 0ver c0me the th0ughts 0f him and blah blah! Im generally happy...but Im sick 0f thinking 0f him! I w0nder if he still as the ph0t0 in his wallet! mmmm I highly d0ubt it hahaha =) but I d0! anyway haha

I have n0thing else 0n my mind, except that Im psyched f0r c0llege t0 start! =)

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.I feel s0 relaxed t0day! Its awes0me! I havent felt s0 c0ntent with myself in a l0ng time! w00h! g0 me! Anyway n0thing t0 talk ab0ut! I d0nt wanna talk ab0ut my failed drinking eff0rts! and last night was g00d but N0T great! like these guys d0nt kn0w h0w t0 party man! Bunch 0f GAYS!

anyway Im keeping myself pre0ccupied this week! I might pay centrelink a visit t0m0rr0w! =) sh0uld be g00d! Plus I have my 0wn acc0unt =) 0h YEAH! =) hehehe plus I wanna hurry up and get my text b00ks! I think my parents can finally see that I cant be accepted t0 uni. But my dad can be s0 cl0sed minded s0metimes! 0h wait n0t s0metimes! M0ST 0f the time! I w0nder if his aware 0f h0w cl0sed minded he can be! like its n0t funny! T00 bad Im a little stubb0rn bitch myself....hahaha pr0bably get it fr0m him! HAHAHAHA!

anyway speaking 0f that is pissing me 0ff! I might g0 back t0 reading. I think thats why Im s0 relaxed! reading snaps me 0UT 0f reality! =) I dig it.

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