i wonder how it feels.? i mean im totally fine,but considering the circumstances i should be the depressed kid.but i think your the one thats depressed and it makes sense.i think its my fault you feel that why, but then again its all you your the one putting yourself down and ive come up with this concept i think its because your still into her hence not being able to develop feelings for others hehe i really feel sorry for you. problem is i know exactly how you feel

hey y0 m0f0s =)

T0day? was...n0t fun, 0r b0ring! it was...interesting....like...thats n0t eve the w0rd f0r it, but I d0nt kn0w the w0rd f0r it. L0L!

Anyway we had this y0uth thing at church...and farr was it packed 0r what...indeed there were s0me cuties :) t00 badI wasnt drunk =P hahaha

*sighs* I d0nt feel like bl0gging anym0re!

S0...yeah G0 H0ME!

That is all

I havent bl0gged in a while! reas0n being, my week has been s0 handicap ever since fl0rals 18th! Fl0rals 18th 0ppened up a d00r I th0ught w0uld never 0pen again!...

Anyway it had me g0 int0 deep th0ught. Plus Ive been busy!

Truth is, Im sick 0f denial! and Im watching s0me scary m0vie...GREAT! just what I need :)

hmmm n0w f0r my daily bl0gging! :)

well 0verall...t0day was b0ring as anything! I watched rand0m m0vies and sat ar0und d0ing n0thing! L0L0L! talk ab0ut great way 0f putting 0n weight eff0rtlessly! :) haha

I wanna practice my Ls test! bef0re I g0 bed! S0 Ima stip bl0gging! N0t much t0 talk ab0ut anyway! Except me and nai bitching ab0ut s0me0ne ! High light 0f m day:D L0L!

That is all

an0ther b0ring day. I am in desperate need t0 get 0ut man! But like, my t0e is handicap and I want t0 get it g0ing back t0 n0rmal bef0re Friday! :) Im still really badly psyched f0r it :) It sh0uld be a GREAT night 0f partying.

whats even better is I just f0und 0ut I aint g0ing h0me that night L0L0L

Anyway there was n0t much cntemplati0n g0ing 0n in my mind t0day. 0h but last night, I had a dream. I was pregnant and I wasnt that big either, and I was s0 excited :) haha. I actually am excited t0 get pregnant when I d0 l0l0l. But anyway in my dream, the baby grew and I c0uld full feel it...and I was s0 happy, like it meant s0 much t0 me th0ugh it wasnt even b0rn.

L0L0L I w0ke up thinking, Id be happy if I were t0 get pregnant...t0 wh0m W0ULD matter th0ugh! K0z even if y0u d0nt l0ve the pers0n yur pregnant t0? Y0ur pretty much stuck with them f0r life! k0z 0f the kid! but anyway, thats why I intend 0n remaining a virgin HAHAHA...its what I intend...it d0nt mean its definite...y0u c0uld say Im d0ubting myself l0l0l. But yeah...ANYWAY!

I g0tta g0 sleep s00n, k0z I plan 0n waking up at 7 in the m0rning t0 0 my washing. and plus I wanna g0 with my dad. Im dying f0r a sm0ke and als0 dying t0 get 0ut 0f the h0use! :)

That is all

0h and I have this feeling! She likes him al0t. She tryna be me! in the pr0cess. I just kn0w it. I c0uldnt give a shit. I can fully see it! :)

Im still digging :) y0u sh0uld really st0p talking t0 me. w0nder if mr I analyse everything can see it!

That is all l0l

Im s0 tired:) and yet quiet c0ntent with myself, well at least at this very m0ment! I really need t0 just sit ar0und and chill 0ut. But I g0t stuff t0 d0 man! I plan 0n ummm cleaning my r00m and d0in my washing t0m0rr0w! PLUS I g0tta remember t0 burn l0isis CD

anyway Im hungry s0 Ima g0 eat!

That is all

Im c0nfused.with everything! L0L!

I d0nt have much t0 talk ab0ut tday! Except church was awes0me t0day =D It was mad!

and umm yeah I sorta hate this pers0n. why is it always that kind! Like seri0usly! WTF is wr0ng with y0u, y0u dumb stupid fat fuck! I hate...man! I sh0uldnt

Ill get a grip! Lma0! k0z I fuckin need 0ne!

Im tired man! Might g0 t0 sleep again with the light 0n hahahhaha! I d0nt care if its h0t 0r whatever! Im t00 friken scared t0 g0 t0 sleep with 0ut the light 0n! haha

That is all

I feel s0 disc0nected at the m0ment! Like um I d0nt really wanna talk l0l!

HAHA fire w0rks have been g0ing 0ff all night! I need t0 g0 t0 sleep f0r t0m0rr0w.

My t0e FEELS better, but c0mpletely d0es n0t L00K any better! The bruise seems t0 be getting w0rst and the swelling aint easing up either! This might just require me t0 g0 see the d0ct0 ab0ut it! Like far 0ut! I just h0pe its n0thing t00 seri0us that will make me miss 0ut 0n fl0rals 18th! K0z I cant have that.

I d0nt kn0w! Im g0ing t0 make Jesse faceb00k l0l! why? k0z Im a b0red kid...0r...I d0nt kn0w! I d0nt really want t0 anym0re! I feel blank! Im n0t depressed, just, em0ti0nless! My m00d swings are b0red. HMMM maybe Im due f0r my peri0ds s00n!...HMM that w0uld explain al0t!

I hate h0w girls menstrual cycles play 0n their em0ti0ns like really badly! Like espeacially mine! S0metimes Im like 0ver b0ardly happy during my m0nthlys, s0me times im n0rmal, m0st 0f the time Im an angry little steamed head that c0uld expl0de at rand0m! S0metimes Im even sad f0r n0 reas0n, like I get em0ti0nal 0ver N0THING! LMFA0 G0SH that is the 0nly thing that sucks ab0ut being a girl.

I diislike the fact that she didnt hesitate. I d0nt kn0w!

Anyway I watched paran0rmal activity! It was awes0me! Well when I think 0f it n0w it was actually a g00d m0vie! Th0ughh t0 me it wasnt that scary! Like yeah freaky. but yeah! The pe0ple that were in the theatre were like IDI0TS man! S0me parts 0f the m0vie I f0undb0ring like the beginning!

Im just abit, I wanna get wasted 0n friday, Im l00king f0rward t0 it! I am intenti0nally g0ing t0 get wasted and party that night because ummm YEAH I want t0! Its seri0usly the highlight 0f the year f0r me! Funny h0w my f0rmal wasnt the highlight 0f the year f0r me? W0nder if my mum will give me at least 50 bucks t0 give t0 fl0ral!anyway I s0rta wanna just, n0t g0 t0 sleep! Im n0t even tired! Hence c0ntinuing t0 write! I sh0uld really just g0 t0 sleep s00n!

T0m0rr0w is 0ur big day! What we've been practicing f0r! We g0t t0ld 0ff by ummm the setuata again! Seri0usly if I wasnt s0 scared 0f being rude I w0uld tell him straight that umm, it sh0uldnt matter h0w we m0ve! And th0ugh we c0me fr0m t0nga we were b0ught in a t0tally different s0ciety! Like ummm HELL0! 0f c0urse we're g0nna adapt t0 the new envir0nment espeacially since it AINT a new envir0nment because unm its actually 0ur natural habitat. H0w the hell I came ab0ut reffering t0 nature> I have n0 idea! Guess I sh0uld piss 0ff t0 bed!

Y0u kn0w whats scary? Is h0w if y0u kill y0urself y0u aut0matically g0 t0 hell, because its murder, th0ugh its y0ur 0wn wish! sm0king is killing y0urself! I w0nder if there is any way ar0und it! But it is just literally killing y0urself sl0wly! I think it is! All the pe0pke that die fr0m sm0king...I cant help but w0nder!

Anyway I sh0uld g0 t0 bed. Im n0t even g0nna put my alarm 0n! Im just g0nna wait f0r s0me0ne t0 wake me up t0m0rr0w! Im n0t eager t0m0rr0w! PLUS I kn0w my mum will wake me up!

That is all

HMMM t0day was quite the interesing day. Quite a nice day which was sp0iled by the b0ring night! I spent all day cleaning up the bathr00m and texting channy and jesse! T0m0rr0w sh0uld be interesting! Meeting up wih Jesse f0r the first time! His sh0uting! Far! I h0pe I get m0ney th0ugh s0 that he d0esnt have t0! I mean I like being sh0uted but...his n0t cl0se en0ugh f0r me t0 be t0tally c0mf0rtable ab0ut it!

Anyway I suggested Channy invite my ex as her date t0 my best mates party! Was it such a g00d idea? I d0nt kn0w! But 0h well...whats d0ne is d0ne! K0z his actually g0ing! s00...yeah! Anyway! Im really tired! I guess I was s0 happy t0 see sielz k0z umm I hadnt seen her in tw0 days 0h and Big M0mma t00! I sh0uld really get t0 sleep g0tta early m0rning t0 wake up t0! G0t y0uth at 10 then I g0t m0vies with jesse afterwards! Exciting stuff =D and ummm Im s0rta n0 l0nger pumped f0r fl0rals birthday! It pr0bably was a bad idea!!! Cant be t00 bad! At least Im g0nna get drunk theref0re I KN0W f0r sure! Ima have fun!!! PLUS my girls will be there and my c0usin has c0mpany s0 I d0nt feel s0 d0gs t0 d0g her PLUS she can hang with my ex/nephew and his date l0l while I get my freak 0n with the dance fl00r =D and my drink 0n with alcy

sh0uld really g0 t0 bed!

That is all

Why is it that the cl0ser pe0ple are t0 me, the m0re 0f a bitch I am t0 them! I d0nt get it. Whats wr0ng with me? Maybe h0rm0nes! But Im ust s0 angry lately! and really lazy! HAHAHA I think I need t0 get laid! I think Im l0st! HAHA! Anyway

Im just s0 angry! Hence being a bitch t0 a l0t 0f pe0ple! There was h0wever a high light t0 my day! =) I w0uld say it but then.... =) HAHAHA! I just want it all t0 myself =P

Im s0 ann0yed and happy! Like everything is justbuging me! Im t00 lazy t0 d0 anything! I think I sh0uld punish myself t0m0rr0w and n0t g0 anywhere and n0t jump 0n the net till Ive cleaned up the h0use! Yeah! That w0uld be a great idea!

Anyway all 0f a sudden I feel like checking 0ut AIM. I think I kn0w the reas0n f0r my agr0vati0n! H0w d0 I release it! I think I kn0w what it is f0r sure right nw! And I w0uld never want t0 admit it. But I will admit this! I hate the m0ther fucker! FUCKIN hate him! Maybe I sh0uld let him call and shit just t0 my anger 0ut 0n him instead 0f taking it 0ut 0n every0ne else! Im really tired. and I havent eaten dinner! What ever shall I eat? I have n0 idea! But! I als0 need a sh0wer and blah blah! Fix my fuckin bed! Maybe try t0 st0p swearing! I have the meanest p0tty m0uth its n0t funny!

I just realised that my wish came true like, WTF! I knew it was c0ming but....s0mething! Just might n0t be right! HAHAHA!

Anyway! I guess I better get started 0n eating sh0wering and ummm whats it called fix my bed!

That is all

t0day was, mad fun =) g0t t0 hang 0ut with just TW0 0f my girls! which was g00d =) I just realised ever since the h0lidays have started I havent hung 0ut with any 0f the islander girls =S haha anyway! Im really tired fr0m the p00ls!

I l0ve nats little sisters man! hahaha!

Im just s0 friken tired!!

Have n0 idea what t0 write! Just thinking ab0ut s0methig that I w0uld never menti0n 0n here i just kn0w s0metimes I swear! mean ing! I sh0uld just leave it Im g0ing bed s00n th0ugh! Im having a really hard time thinking! im s0 absent minded at the m0ment! Im just s0 tired! and feel abit sic fr0m swimming straight after I had eaten wadda full wanna chuck a her0 dude aye!
Anyway! I wanna clean up t0m0rr0w! S0 Im g0nna c0nk 0ut t0night and get as much sleep as I need then clean up and d0 my washing and shit

That is all

I have n0 idea what t0 write t0night! Well, uhh I had fun at y0uth! I wanted t0 d0 my washing! But I really c0uldnt be b0thered lie real badly! Anyway Im kinda tired and alm0st f0rg0t that I had t0 mix the s0ngs f0r y0uth! anyway typing is pissing me 0ff

That is all

What if? y0u want s0mething...and y0u cant have it AT ALL! farrr...y0u d0nt kn0w h0w bad I fene f0r it. I have n0 idea h0w t0 spell fene! but d0 y0u get what w0rd Im trying t0 get 0ut ere? Its exactly describes the way I feel! G0sh! HAHA! =)

Anyway g0tta gap shall c0ntinue maybe later!

That is all (f0r n0w)

When pe0ple start t0 ask t00 much 0f y0u, y0u get sick 0f it right? Well I d0! Like hard 0ut! Maybe I sh0uld just shut up, but i cant, Im starting t0 get slightly sick 0f it! Well, anyway!

Im burning christmas s0ngs! I t0ld my mum last night! That I d0nt want an ip0d and that I want a new ph0ne instead n0w! I l00ked up a new ph0ne! Either I get the0ne that c0sts 149 0r 159...0nly 10 bucks difference! I think I sh0uld save up t0 get a c0mputer! and save the lapt0p f0r, I d0nt kn0w! S0mething else! Well Im just glad n0w that Ican stay 0n all night 0n this thing! Lma0! I remember when it used t0 be in the l0unge and I always use t0 get t0 0ld 0ff t0 get 0ff and g0 t0 bed! Im still trying t0 decide whether t0 g0 fairfield 0r stay h0me! Well, 0ne thing f0r sure is, I cant g0 fairfield with 0ut burning the stupid handicapped CD! Anyway Im sick 0f burning CDs...G0sh! Its like my j0b n0w! FUCK!

I like 0ur little plans f0r the church c0mbine this c0ming Sunday! We c0mbine with the palangis and the spanish dudes. I w0nder why we d0nt c0mbine with the arabs! Because I swear that Arabs use the church as well.

I need t0 get a h0ld 0f my tax file number! and als0 g0 0pen me an acc0unt! I think I shall d0 that all t0day! I think I shall. and then stayh0me t0m0rr0w because its such a h0t day t0m0rr0w! Th0ugh we have y0uth t0m0rr0w night! All this christmas shit! Then I g0t p00ks 0n wednesday! Quite a filled up week s0 far, d0nt kn0w ab0ut Thursday and Friday th0ugh! Anyway! I better get cracking!

That is all

My w0rld still rev0lves ar0und that 0ne pers0n! I wish it werent s0. F0r s0 l0ng n0w! I keep h0ping and thinking that it will be all 0ver s00n, but still. What will relieve me 0f this painfull shit head?...I wish I c0uld answer that my self! But I cant! I have n0 clue h0w t0 get rid 0f it! I hate it!
I just pray that there are n0 signs 0f what i fear!

That is all

al0t has been 0n my mind! 0nly thing is, where t0 start.

Well f0r starters, I need t0 study abit, s0 I can g0 f0r my L's since my mum is buying a car that I am s0 keeping f0r myself as s00n as I get P's which will be ages later but I d0nt care, I can wait! What I'm excited ab0ut is the car my mum is buying 0ff my 0ld neighb0urs!

Anyway 0n a m0re pers0nal n0te.
Its t00 late, f0r any turing back.

Anyway Im really excited f0r next year! If I get the j0b I'll be even happier! I just have t0 call up 0n wednesday and tell her when the semster c0mmences, and my time table and see if it g0es with the time table that she wants me t0 have f0r w0rk! I h0pe it w0rks 0ut! If I cant handle it next year, Ill just quit! But! yeah

Anyway, Im s0 tired. Last night feels like it was a dream! The fact that she was g0ing hurt me s0 much! It always hurts f0r a l0ved 0ne t0 g0! I wasnt even that cl0se t0 her, th0ugh it killed me that she was leaving. My c0usins were all crying, and yeah! It was bad.

My eyes were s0 s0re fr0m crying and plus n0t having any sleep! I wasnt g0ing t0 g0 t0 the burial but I just c0uldnt n0t g0! I ended up missing 0n malias 18th birthday celebrati0n! and I slept all day! G0sh it had never felt that g00d t0 cl0se my eyes! and n0w? I cant g0 t0 bed because ive been asleep all day! Think Ill g0 sleep s00n anyway!

I have t0 burn a CD! I am seri0usly getting sick 0f burning CDs sick 0f d0wnl0ading s0ngs. But 0nly because Im capped! If 0nly I c0uld wait till t0m0rr0w t0 burn it but, Big M0mma might chuck a fit 0r give me the dissap0inted expressi0n 0n her face that I hate! HAHA =D

Anyway, Im excited f0r c0llege next year =) W00!

Im g0ing t0 faceb00k abit m0re then PR0BABLY g0 t0 sleep!

That is all

FRUSTRATION

I sh0uldnt even be frustrated, 0r even give a damn. But I d0! I d0 give a damn...I care, really badly, which is s0mething I try t0 av0id AL0T! With like EVERYTHING! I try n0t t0 care k0z I get hurt when I care ab0ut shit. But, its n0t fair, n0ne 0f this is fair. Its c0mpletely....

SHIT...I sh0uld g0 t0 bed

That is all

FUCKIN FRIENDS! s0me are...==' sad dudes man! feel betrayed like t00 the max!

Id prefer t0 think that I were just tripping....my intuiti0n is always right th0ugh...but it d0es have its flaws!!