hmmm what to to write tonight...well, I had a pretty shit day might I just say! It was boring! Filled with dissapointment! aint it gay when you feel like your being lied to? though you could just be tripping! Anyway! We were suppose to go to the beach today! Didnt end up goin koz some people didnt feel like going. I feel bitter for some reason! Like real bitter! HMMMM....no apparent reason yet! GAH! I cant believe shes engaged! YUKKK!!! Do you know how much I dissaprove? I should be happy for her! But Im not! Im sad! Fuck! YUKK!! I dont want her to be engaged! This is moving too fast! SLOW DOWN! PLEASE! WHY? whats the rush? dont you enjoy being...I dont know YOUNG FREE AND SINGLE??? like even just see each other though that would be hard when he goes back! I feel distant right now! WTF is up my ass? man? even I dont know! All I know is, I dont want her to be engaged! GOSH! how long have they known each other for? I guess Im scared of losing her! I mean I know shes always gonna be there. But it wont be the same when shes married! Shit changes! Shes no longer that little kid that I can kick it back with. and only has to answer to the rents! Soon she'll have to answer to a husband? Like ewwww!! I cant imagine that! I dont want to imagine it! I could cry! You dont understand how scared I am of losing her...and yet I wont be...but I cant help but feel that I will lose her! I mean not completely! I guess I gotta accept change! Might take some time! Im usually good with change...I usually can handle it! But! THIS?? this was unexpected....I wasnt prepared like I usually am! Even when change is out of the blue I can handle it. But this? to me? is HUGE! and I dont like it =( I dont want it to happen! I never knew how attached I am to her! I wonder if the feelings mutual! SHIT I sound lesbian! LMFAO! may I just clarify with yous that I am speaking of family! and I am no where near incest! OR lesbian! HAHAHA I like boys ;) DAMN do i love em! anyway! I really dont know what else to say! Thats all really thats been on my mind so far today! oh and the fact that I was bored! Like really bored! I just cant wait for school to start! So I can get outa the house! Meet people! =) JOY anyway! I have a bit of browsing to do before I go to bed! Plus I been playing sims alot lately! I just still cant believe....

That is all