well, tonight for some reason I felt like blogging!...oh i just remembered!

are you blind? everyday, I feel something but...you seem to be oblivious! I must be delusional to be thinking what im thinking! I cant help it! YEAH! I must be delusional...I think its best if we stay this anyway!
ANYWAY! im so behind! I dont know lol! Im over blogging! and yet! here I am! Blogging it away! HEHE

I haven't blogged in quite a while! I have assignents! and stuff! and Im no lnger bothered to blog and stuff! Im like...yeah! waste my time haha! yeah I hae more interesting things then t be blogging! I might delete this thing! Or Ill just start using it again! Plus I doubt anyone reads this! LOL

I had a dream last night! It was whack as here's the parts that I remember. There were these guys living where I was staying...I have no idea where that actually was, it was like this huge as place and it had this massive inside pool. And there were two of these guys. A friend of mine (have no idea who she is though) started hookin up with one of the guys straight away, we were in the pool so I started o flirt with the other guy we started hookin up and shit and then! It was like what? the next day or somethin? and the other guy that my mate was hookin up with and stuff comes up to me and asks for a head job? apparently he heard I do that! LMFAO! HAHA! In my dream I got confused and I looked at the guy that I hooked up with then looked at the mother fucker and told him to fuck off haha. Then they had to leave or something. Oh yeah thats right! I was staying at like some school! Koz there was this kid that came back from his holiday...when I say kid I mean 10 year old lol! He had a little green bed like you know the one for the toddlers??? Yeah well I was sharing my room with this kid! This kid was the biggest smart pants too! I dont mean he was a little shit! I mean like he was smart for his age!

Then I slightly woke up lol and as I was dozing off back to sleep I was starting to dream already lol about some cans of paint on the table but that was it...I had another dream but can not remember!

Anyway I have to go into school today! I so can not bothered! I got band prac...and I wanna borrow some books I really needa start reading! and really need to finish my research on the blues and the beattles. I needa get working on aurelia and for band prac i just wanna practice my two songs! So glad I got my band! I actually like the fact that I didnt have a partner for my first concert prac! Cant wait to see who I get next! SHUXX! Imagin we dont get paired up again! Ill be stuck by myself for the full semester!

Anyway! I better get out of bed! Well not really! I still wanna laze in bed for abit!

LIFE

Lifes taken a completely different turn now, well, ever since I last blogged. I dont even rember when that was, or what I even blogged about! Well UPDATE on my life.

Im staring to settle into uni, making abit of friends, getting to know peers, no longer inlove with ex...i still care but yeah, all ex's care...only I hate mine all at the same time! Got my eye on a hottie ;) moving to NZ though :( SHIT GO! anyway trying to stay focused on uni. Oh I got a job, I start after next week!

Arguing and getting angry as usual. I have issues I think! HAHA! I might just have anger management problems....Or could be just an idiot, what my dad would say! I badly miss my family in Claymore! Im digging school...oh and....fuck, lost my train of thought! Ive lost myself actually. LOL Dont make sense but, its like a journey!

Anyway I just had my mum yell at me, I wonder if shes crying....thats where she falls, I dont have a weakness for her tears! They dont work on me because Ive seen the whole act before, over and over again! Though my dad has ALSO seen the reinactment over, he still falls for it. Im pretty sure I have a much softer heart then he does! But when it comes to her I dont know!

My mums number one. But....Something you will never understand thats for sure! Im not even quite sure if I understand....all I would say is "I dont know how to explain it" Exactly what Im say right now I guess.

Dad can just piss me off all together! I know I dont understand what its like to be a parent...but right now?? IM FRIKEN ABIT CONFUSED! with what??? I wouldnt have a fuckin clue! I guess this is a momentary thing! In an hour I will snap back into reality! LOL Im not high or anything! Im just loss! I cant wait to gt out of here. Staying home for long periods of time drive me insane!

I literally didnt do anything other than watch movie after movie! I know for a fact Im calling it an early night tonight. Its like! I dont wanna talk to my parents! They say for me never to hesitate in telling them stuff, but, they dont see how hard they make it. They're just as ignorant as I am! I mention a guy, they shrug me off...what do they think this is. They cant just shrug me off and think im gonna stop dating or flirting or being an idiot! SHIT nigga I shall continue like the stubborn...nah wait, over board! Its nothing like that LOL! I think Im snapping back into reality already!

This blog made no sense...because I wasnt using sense! Does that make sense?? Ima go eat dinner soon! Wonder if Ill get told off...I think my mum was crying! YEP that means Im so gonna cop a lecture! I mean how do I tell them I care but the care is burried all the way in china! Im bad showing emotions, like affection, unless it to a boy ;) Even then I have problems! Im not an affectionate person! I mean I think I can be, but I aint really!

That is all

hmmm what to to write tonight...well, I had a pretty shit day might I just say! It was boring! Filled with dissapointment! aint it gay when you feel like your being lied to? though you could just be tripping! Anyway! We were suppose to go to the beach today! Didnt end up goin koz some people didnt feel like going. I feel bitter for some reason! Like real bitter! HMMMM....no apparent reason yet! GAH! I cant believe shes engaged! YUKKK!!! Do you know how much I dissaprove? I should be happy for her! But Im not! Im sad! Fuck! YUKK!! I dont want her to be engaged! This is moving too fast! SLOW DOWN! PLEASE! WHY? whats the rush? dont you enjoy being...I dont know YOUNG FREE AND SINGLE??? like even just see each other though that would be hard when he goes back! I feel distant right now! WTF is up my ass? man? even I dont know! All I know is, I dont want her to be engaged! GOSH! how long have they known each other for? I guess Im scared of losing her! I mean I know shes always gonna be there. But it wont be the same when shes married! Shit changes! Shes no longer that little kid that I can kick it back with. and only has to answer to the rents! Soon she'll have to answer to a husband? Like ewwww!! I cant imagine that! I dont want to imagine it! I could cry! You dont understand how scared I am of losing her...and yet I wont be...but I cant help but feel that I will lose her! I mean not completely! I guess I gotta accept change! Might take some time! Im usually good with change...I usually can handle it! But! THIS?? this was unexpected....I wasnt prepared like I usually am! Even when change is out of the blue I can handle it. But this? to me? is HUGE! and I dont like it =( I dont want it to happen! I never knew how attached I am to her! I wonder if the feelings mutual! SHIT I sound lesbian! LMFAO! may I just clarify with yous that I am speaking of family! and I am no where near incest! OR lesbian! HAHAHA I like boys ;) DAMN do i love em! anyway! I really dont know what else to say! Thats all really thats been on my mind so far today! oh and the fact that I was bored! Like really bored! I just cant wait for school to start! So I can get outa the house! Meet people! =) JOY anyway! I have a bit of browsing to do before I go to bed! Plus I been playing sims alot lately! I just still cant believe....

That is all

well not much to talk about! since my bridging course finished ive been kicking it back like hard out and cleaning up my house! i swear but ever since i started the bridging course ive been snezing like a mother fucker! no good bro! anyway i finally have some clothes :) yeya bo! anyway im sitting in church waiting for it to start! we got randoms at church. we actualy call em visitors but since i dont know em ima call em randoms :D just koz i can :) im out . that is all

uni

my first 4 days of uni are over :) oh gosh it was quite the experience! well first day? was pretty easy. the 2nd 3rd day were the most intense! it was really hard to understand, like real confusing man. but i still got it! the last day was easy! we got assessed! see the reason that we were at uni was because we all applied for bach in music, but were recomended to do one or two semesters in diploma! but this course allowed us to take an 8 week course, sqeeze it into 4 days then by being assessed will determine wether we are fit enough for bach! yeah my whole class made it in except one! awesome stuff koz i only have 3 years in uni :) i might however continue my studies and work after that :) anyway it was awesome. im spyched for uni to actually start! which is after next week! downfall is i have to get up so early! anyway today im shopping for school! buying clothes appropriate for school! lol rents arent letting me go to school in shorts! to bad i sneak it lol walk out the house with long pants! zats all