Tears in heavan

Wow tonight was really different!

So much going on....with me personally and also with my family as a whole! Like I mean including all my kusins my aunties...EVERYONE!! right down to the extended family! I can't believe how big the problem is. I seriously cried I think about 7 times tonight LMAO!! But yeah my personal problem is NOTHING compared to the family one. It is actually quite interesting, but the problem has not ended quite yet. I am quite anxious on how it will all turn out.

Anyway I'll blog about my personal problem! LMAO!! its actually quite funny! But see? I hadn't had a smoke yesterday or today. So when I got home I was friken HANGING!! Bro I go to my mum do you have 10 bux and she goes no! So i go to my room and try to find something constructive! and I read the rest of "Life and crimes of Harry Lavender" and then I go to finish off my essay but could only think of how much I was craving for a smoke! So I was thinking of stealing money! I know...I get real desperate sometimes. But in the process of looking for my dads wallet I suddenly grew a concience so I stopped and went to the kitchen to get a drink. My mum goes to me..."Ihave the money but its for Howard and I only have enough for him" I tried to ignore the anger in me and walked away. But as soon as I got in my room I really just wated to argue how unfair that was. Because honestly.....my brother is 41 yeah I know old enough to be my dad but he works. My point being that he should have his own friken money. and if my mum has to give money it should be to me koz im not fuken alowed to get a job! My mum and I argued and stuff and my mum goes what do you want the money for anyway. I go to her "smokes" and she was just like NO!! NO WAY!! but i tried to pinpoint the problem back to my brother!! Didnt really work then my dad came into the lounge and heard me swearing and stuff LMAO!! and his like whats all the noise and my mum told my dad bowt how I asked her for money for smokes and he lectured me and I cried! And then my dad confesses to me how close I am to him because he didn't really get to know his own kids like he has to me!! BLAH!! I cried again LMAO!! and seriously I was just an emotional reck today! I was going to cry a couple of times at school! Which is why I didn't wanna hang out with the girls today....FAR!!! Friken emotional reck LMAO!! and you know what>??? Just the other day I was full thinking to myself how I haven't really cried this year...EVER!!! and then look what happens today. And then on top of that my cousins aunties and uncles come over and we just have this big emotional talk!! WOW!!! story of my life LMAO!! This day I will not forget. I am so happy right now! LMO!! hhaa!! I wanna quit smoking!! I think the day is tomorrow! I can do it. Espeacialy with the help of my girls I know they would be real happy to know that I finally want to quit. Because seriously their always lke when are you gonna quit. Or when I go for a smoke and come back their always like EWWWW GET LOST YOU STINK!!! hahaha!! gotta love the girls!! anyway I sorta miss them!! WEIRD!!! I have so much to tell them!! LMAO!! anyway Ima wash da dishes have a smoke shower and go to sleep. LMAO!! I will have a smoke tonight and smoke in the morning for the last time! I have said that alot of times. But it will be easy at school because none of my girls smoke! =D I am advantaged =D YIIIIAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

that is all!